Anchor

I've said before that my life is crazy. The past few months have given 'crazy' a new definition.
Christmas is always a little chaotic with all the cooking, cleaning, consumerism and community that goes on. December began in normal fashion, except I had most of my Christmas shopping already done. I was very proud of myself.

A few weeks in, my great-grandpa had a stroke. The family from BC started arriving to spend grandpa's last days together. A few days after his stroke, grandpa passed away. He was 94 years old and aching to go Home so the bitterness of his death was sweetened by knowing he was free forever from darkness. I don't know too many people that remember their great-grandpa, much less have a relationship with him. I count myself deeply blessed.

My great-uncle (grandpa to my adopted 9 year-old sister) came bearing unexpected news. His daughter (birth mother to my sister) was expecting at the end of December and wanted our family to take this baby as well. That would take us from eight kids to nine - a full house by any standard. The timing for everything unfolded like a well-planned maneuver. My mom had been feeling God telling her that "we weren't done yet." She had told us this and we reacted with, "that's crazy...there's already eight of us!!" We should have known that my mom doesn't get meaningless butterflies. Melinda Marie was born the day after we found out she was on the way. Ten days later, mom and dad made a fast trip to Calgary to pick her up. She was two weeks premature, 5 lb, 5 oz, and miraculously free of any visible traces of drugs or alcohol. She's beautiful and content and gets held most of the time. With a brother-in-law gained last summer and a niece/nephew on the way in a few weeks, my family is growing at lightning speed.

To add to the list of chaos....half the family was sick with a nasty flu while all this was going on. And the list goes on...

Its old news that I'm not working for the photography studio anymore (except the weddings I had booked for this summer). I was finished there in September and shortly after, I started working for a web/graphic design company. My boss was someone I had gotten to know previously. He had his own business and was thinking of hiring an employee so I offered my services. I was pretty excited about it to start with but the excitement faded as I realized how difficult it was to learn HTML, ASP, flash, javascript and a little bit of SQL - all at once. I've grown up being able to learn new things quickly and this was a whole different world - literally. I decided that this was a good challenge and would teach me some needed self-discipline. I eventually got far enough to be able to work at home. A new experience but a good one.

The challenge of doing a job that I sucked at probably contributed to the onset of a long-lasting struggle with my own capacity for darkness. My world was changing shape and color and I didn't like the new look. Frankly, I was almost relieved when my boss decided he preferred being a one-man-show and laid me off.

And that brings us to the now. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to just settle into something for awhile. In spite of the 'lost at sea' pattern in my life, land has come into view. I bear a slight resemblance to one of my dad's cows - sometimes it takes a good whack to get the message across. A crisis usually brings me to my knees more quickly and authentically than anything else. I'm grateful for this crisis cuz my knees seemed locked in a standing position for a long time.

I was reading in Hebrews (6:19) the other day and a phrase came out at me like a rescue boat.
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."

Take a second and breath that into your soul. Praise God, the Anchor. He is good.